An aggressive discussion once raged in another blog site dominated by female bloggers. I was there doing a discreet writing research for the tone and voice of women, especially the youth, in dialogues. The root of the topic discussed touched something I had pondered a lot before—judgemental conclusions—the human spontaneous and combustible reactions towards the superficial demeanour of someone’s character, popularly known as LABELS.
I contemplated on the implications and aspects of this very personal human flaw present in all of us, which can either praise or harm a person oblivious of the label, and found it happening often between a superior and a subordinate—or more common, to anybody who possesses a singular advantage over another or anyone else.
I am a victim myself, from childhood to professional life, suffering labels in the shameful form of name-callings, since I am not among the physically fortunate: Human malice can be painful, leaving deep scars unless one learns to ignore it, but remaining still unhealed in the process, only more tolerant of the pain.
This ugly part of human nature, an impersonal practice among societies judging people based on the character or behaviour an individual projects, were often given labels by those in authorities who think they are more educated, experienced, cultured, and rich. And therefore, uncontested and powerful, with all the exclusive rights to do the naming and the branding—as in “She is a sexually empowered female” or the lowly, embarrassing “She is a slut”—which was the main point of the heated arguments, giving merits while slighting the other.
Truth is, I do not find much difference in these words as both meant the free, uninhibited enjoyment of the benefits and satisfactions of sex, though only done in a different situation, manner, or mood:
The former oozed with their charms to indulge in sex “…she is a natural, a more sexual girl; has the strength and courage to embrace, do, and express what comes natural to her, as she sees fit and without hesitation or fear”. While the latter, seduces, “selling” their charms or what’s available to them, to indulge in sex “…may also be a natural, yet they used their sexual inclinations (i.e., empowerment) as a tool, because they lack other skills; are insecure, lacks self worth, dependent, weak.” (The italicized quoted definitions were taken from the blog that started the running discussions.)
Whew, I find it hot, hot, hot! The claims were too frank, almost violating the principles of acceptable candour and proper conduct in stating opinions in an online forum. Then again, as the empowered women felt, they have all the rights to break rules of propriety created by societies.
Does a sexually empowered woman then, “who lives her life her way”, sexually different from a slut? Is a slut who “lacks other skills” but uses her sexual inclinations to be empowered—yet lives her life also her way—wrong, to deserve another label?
Or is this negative label of being a slut seemed “degrading and dirty” only because these women lack other skills, and therefore, un-empowered? The absence of their self-worth, for one—as interpreted by the blogger, a sexually empowered woman herself.
Or were they only unfortunate not to have what these select, empowered women enjoy, like breeding, good education, and tons of money? What makes them, the sexually empowered women—recognized, empowered, and accepted as such by society—to sexually indulge in the manner and conditions they want without rebuke, disgrace, or degradation, unlike a slut?
My simple answer: Good looks, wealth, education, opportunities, lineage, conveniences, fame, luxuries, etc., etc., which the sluts, unfortunately, must earn to enjoy. Of course, the dividing lines that separated the two blur, becoming obscure when the lights were out or dimmed—the pull of sexual attractions makes everyone concerned blind to the truth of what they really are.
Time to put on our masks, ladies and gentlemen, so society will not betray our real colour, conduct, and demeanour when we get back to our air-conditioned, respectable offices and homes, lolling inside the luxurious privacy of our bedrooms. To the sluts among us—betrayed, exposed, and degraded—go crawl in your shabby, fetid holes.
Men and women who claimed to be different from the labelled sluts and manwhores—who, in some ways, are in a kind of competition with them, empowered ones, as to popularity, beauty, and strength of virility—need to take a second look at what they do in and out of bed first. For the prude and naïve among us will be surprised to find that the empowered bunch acted more like sluts and manwhores, while the real sluts and manwhores did the opposite number—trying to look empowered, entitled, and responsible for their aggressive actions.
The idea of labelling, insulting or not, segregates people. In the third world countries, common labels of low tech, conservative, inhibited, nerd, inexperienced, uneducated, etc., or the more empowering liberated, college grad, professional, cultured, scholar, etc., make everyone aware, if not only too conscious, if they are flowing in the groove of the present standards practiced by societies—moving confident, smooth, and above the total directions of sexual and social interactions surrounding them everyday.
Because, not to be in the popular cliché and circle of things, one becomes left out and no longer included in the fun and joy of things in the modern world. How many times do we hear our friends laughed when one say, for example, that she/he haven’t tried it yet, or afraid to try it, in the butt? In the same manner, guys laughed at other guys who have something against homosexual relationships, as if it is an empowering thing to follow and do—and that not to subscribe to the idea or accept the gender makes one a bore, unacceptable and embarrassing among peers?
One quite revealing observation made in the discussions was that manwhores (opposite of sluts) are not having a rough time, as tough and hardened as they were like their opposites—the sexually inclined (empowered) women who are strictly bounded or watched by a conservative society. Meaning, the horny guys can just date anybody available in a bar and get on with it, as against the women empowered to act and do the same, seeming conscious still of the erroneous label of “slut” thrown their way?
Do I read a slim, unspoken envy here? I thought empowered women can break the rules of propriety? Or was it a personal decision, a restriction held forth with valour and determination close to the heart lest be labelled a SLUT—a dirty, unbecoming word? Thus, “empowered woman” serves its labelling purpose—a glamourized version of slut?
“A woman of standards who avoids the advances of manwhores (…those who actively draw water from the well) truly deserves a man of standards, too”. Which means, the sluts are worthy only of manwhores in dingy bars and dark street corners, while empowered chicks deserve only the empowered boys in slick cars and expensive dinners before a romp in bed? What’s the f—–g difference, huh?
It is an unavoidable fact that these very same women, empowered as they claimed to be, were often giggly, thrilled to know and experience what and how it would be in bed with manwhores. Surf the social networks sites and be amazed at how these supposedly intelligent women bared their body and soul to hook a guy they like—shielded by their masks of respectability, which added more thrill, through anonymity.
Then again, it does not mean every one posted there are “women of standards”. And the irony of it is they can mix and come together— sluts and sexually empowered—in one site without anyone realizing which is which.
To go back on the heated arguments:
Guys often mistakenly label a woman of standards a slut because, often than not, when given a chance—private, intimate, or otherwise, regardless of intelligence, status, or upbringing in life—she acts like a slut. A guy may label an empowered woman a slut because she dresses and behaves like one. Just look at the MTVs and some make over and reality fashion shows, and one commits the same mistakes too.
Bottom line: If you’re a woman of standards—hot, sexy, and liberated, and therefore, empowered by your sexuality—and wants to be popular, known to everyone as “empowered”, then be prepared for the outcome because you’re acting and behaving like a slut—whatever the consequences, whatever the unwanted benefits it may entail.
Dogs come to dig in the garbage hoping to find bones; but bones from the supermarkets are more delicious and tempting and appetizing for dogs…Especially, when served in a clean, clear platter.